How do you help your child to rely on himself?

How do you help your child to rely on himself?

A report by parenting expert Bill Murphy Jr. and published by Inc.com offers a collection of the best parenting tips, drawn from studies, research and hard-earned experience for parents who seem to be doing a good job with their kids, that are simple and can pay off in the long run:

1. Support in times of adversity

Many parents wonder what is the best thing to do when their children face adversity. In general, there are two options:

• Option No. 1: Hastening to stand by the child's side to support and help him, in a way that helps to gain his confidence in the long run, regardless of the possibility that the child will grow up permanently dependent on the parents.

• Option 2: Keep a short distance, staying close enough to make sure nothing really upsetting happens, but also insisting that the child work things out themselves, which builds resilience and self-confidence.

With the caveat that there are exceptions to every rule, experts favor the first option because, in short, the child feels safe and can count on the most important people in his life.

2. Allow room for experimentation and failure

Former dean of freshmen at Stanford University, Julie Lythcott-Hims, explains in her book, How to Raise an Adult, that parents should be willing to allow children to try new things and fail, without shielding them from all the minor consequences, with the understanding that inclusion takes place. And act on the first tip if unpleasant consequences are expected.

3. Develop emotional intelligence

People need great relationships to be happy and successful in life, and developing those relationships requires emotional intelligence, which must be nurtured and encouraged. Rachel Katz and Helen Choi Hadani, authors of The Emotionally Intelligent Child: Effective Strategies for Raising Self-Aware, Collaborative, and Balanced Children, say that the best way to help children develop their emotional intelligence is for parents to model good actions in social and human relationships.

4. Expectations and values

Researchers, from the University of Essex in the United Kingdom, summarized their findings, saying: “Behind every successful woman is a troublesome woman,” explaining that teenage girls are more likely to succeed if they have mothers who constantly remind them of their expectations and how much they value success in studying and having good jobs. .

5. Engage in stories

Parents with younger children are interested in reading stories but it remains to apply the advice of experts to “read from the inside” with children, which means that instead of just reading books to them, stopping at different points and asking the child to think about How the story develops, what choices the characters can make, and why. This method helps to more easily understand the ideas and motives of others.

6. Praise for achievement

Carol Dweck, a professor of psychology at Stanford University, says children should not be praised for things like intelligence, athleticism, or artistic talent, which are innate abilities, because they grow up lacking the desire to enjoy learning and excel.

But praising children for how they solve problems—the strategies and methods they come up with, even when they don't succeed—makes it more likely that they will try harder and succeed in the end.

7. Too much praise for them

Researchers from Brigham Young University advise parents to be stingy with praise. Researchers studied elementary school classrooms to rate praise and its impact on children, for three years, and recorded how teachers interacted with students. The more teachers praise students, the better they perform, regardless of other factors, said lead study author Paul Caldarella.

8. Participate in household chores

Research study after study has discovered that kids who do the chores end up being more successful adults. One study indicates that the participation of children in household chores such as “taking out the garbage and washing their own clothes, makes them realize that they must do a work in life in order to be a part of it.” However, it must be realized that asking children to do housework does not include taking care of their pets.

9. Minimize and rotate games

Researchers at the University of Toledo found that children with fewer toys found ways to expand their imaginations more effectively, and to play more creatively than children with more toys.

This advice does not mean that a child should be denied or not given a single birthday gift that they have been asking for. But the researchers suggested both rotating toys and designing play spaces so that the child could focus on what he was doing and not be distracted by other options.

10. Sleep well and go out to play

Researchers have found that the more time children spend sitting indoors, the less likely they are to achieve academically among their peers. In addition to developing his or her academic abilities, the child should engage in sufficient physical activity outdoors.

The child should also be taught to prioritize good sleep. University of Maryland researchers studied 8300 children ages 9 to 10, focusing on how much sleep they got each night. "Children who get good sleep have brains with more gray matter or greater volume in certain areas of the brain responsible for attention and memory," said Zi Wang, professor of diagnostic and nuclear radiology.