If you are looking for happiness, these are the ways

If you are looking for happiness, these are the ways

It's one thing to know what makes people happy, but another to live a happy life, says veteran academic Christopher Boyce, research emeritus at the University of Stirling's Center for Behavioral Sciences in Scotland.

Happiness is often misunderstood as smiling and laughing all the time, says Boyce, in his article for Positive.News, adding that he didn't get a real taste of happiness until he left his decade-long career as an academic specializing in happiness research, and packed all What he needs is enough luggage and gear for a multi-month journey on a bicycle around the world to Bhutan, a small Himalayan kingdom famous for basing all its national policy decisions on happiness.

It is quite the destination, Boyce goes on, that he learned more about happiness than he did as an academic, though this does not mean rejecting the knowledge gained through books and dissertations. But there is a lot to be said for gaining first-hand life experience. Here are some of the things he learned on his journey to happiness:

1. Depth and realism

When people talk about happiness, some dismiss it as a viable societal goal because the politics of happiness can be misunderstood as about people smiling and laughing all the time.

And although as much fun as smiling and laughing is, doing them all the time is neither realistic nor desirable. Difficult feelings are a normal part of life. Crying or worrying is an important symptom and a real part of life and should be lived with and faced, rather than hiding from it.

The depth and realism when thinking about the type of happiness sought must be based on interdependence, purpose and hope, and at the same time it can accommodate sadness and anxiety as well. Indeed, it is the kind of happiness that a country like Bhutan aspires to, and that Boyce believes more countries (and people) should do too.

2. Goal setting is important however

Goals can be helpful. Give guidance in our daily lives. But it's easy to get sucked into achieving an outcome, thinking our happiness depends on it. Instead of falling into the trap of what psychologists call “flow,” which is an immersive, momentary state of being, a person can be persistently pushed toward a goal, even though achieving their goals will not always bring them happiness. Boyce advises that if one is not happy with what one is doing along the way, one should question whether it is worth continuing the pursuit of a goal at all.

3. Deceptive stories

There are many stories about what a happy life entails, but they are not always supported by reliable evidence. An example is the story “When I achieve [a goal], I will be happy” or the other popular story that money buys happiness. What is clear, Boyce explains, is that having more money (beyond the point of meeting basic needs) is unimportant when compared to having good quality relationships, looking after your mental and physical health, and living purposefully in line with one's beliefs and values. They are stories that can support the economy of countries or the planet, but they do not have to bring complete happiness to individuals.

4. Loving and warm relationships

Warm and loving relationships are essential to living a happy life. But it is not easy to get. As an academic, Boyce explains that he has seen how important relationships are for happiness in the data. But like many, he had a hard time realizing it in his own life, since many often think that they will be loved by others only when they meet certain criteria, and not unconditionally for who they themselves are.

Boyce says that he was amazed during his bike trip by how kind and generous the people were, adding that he was invited to eat or a place to stay, even if the invitees had a little. Boyce explains that when he set off at the start of the ride he was either skeptical of such generosity or racing too fast, according to him, not stopping to think it over. But over time, he learned to allow more connection with others, which led to deeper relationships and more happiness.

5. Resilience in the face of crises

Boyce says he wouldn't have been able to get to Bhutan on a bicycle without experiencing a crisis or two, pointing out that everyone can experience a crisis at some point. It makes sense to lick our wounds and get back in the saddle, and one can need support from others if one is going through a psychological crisis. They may also need to give themselves time to understand what happened and to ensure that they move forward meaningfully. They are all factors necessary for resilience, which is what helped him on his journey.

6. The Million Star Hotel

Boyce concludes his article by saying that there is nothing better than lying down under the stars after a day's course through the mountains. Humans are by nature, but they spend much of their time indoors in social spaces that are built, and often artificial, that fail to meet basic human needs. Nature is essential to human well-being and not just to feel calm and serene in the present, but to sustain human life for generations to come.

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