Experiences confirming the success of methods of stabilizing marital life

Experiences confirming the success of methods of stabilizing marital life

A scientific study included 40 marriages over a period of 50 years, with the aim of laying the main foundations for ensuring the stability of marital relations and avoiding divorce. The study was conducted by Dr. John Gottman and his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz, founders of the Gottman Institute for Psychology Studies and authors of The Love Prescription: Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy and Ten Principles of Effective Couples Therapy.

According to what was published by CNBC, the two psychologists said that while each marital bond or relationship is unique, with its own set of challenges, there is one common factor among all couples that they want to be appreciated, and to be recognized. with their efforts, and then the secret word for the success of marital relations is the word “thank you”.

A thriving marital relationship requires a culture of appreciation and gratitude. Being good at noticing what your partner is doing right means focusing on the positives, not the negatives. This culture can be gained by getting rid of toxic thinking styles where you look for the positive and say “thank you”.

Steps to gaining an appreciation mindset

One says 'thank you' all day long, almost without thinking, to one's colleagues or to the bottling clerk at the supermarket or to the stranger who holds the door when he crosses or the driver who waits to be allowed across the road safely. But in the most important relationships of his life, he can forget how important it is to say “thank you” to his partner.

Psychologists Dr. Gottman and Dr. Schwartz say that when a husband or wife begins to do something to express appreciation, it becomes easier for the marital relationship to strengthen and thrive.

Step 1: Note the details closely:

Whenever possible, the husband or wife can follow what is going on around him, notice the positive points and ignore the negatives. The researchers point out that it is possible for the husband to tell his life partner that he is watching her so that he can get to know her better about her day and everything she does, explaining that her behavior will not change much once she knows that the husband is observing the details.

Step Two: Expressing Gratitude:

The researchers recommend that couples give each other expressions of gratitude and appreciation for everything they do routinely, even if it is small, especially if it is something simple and they do every day. But they don't just say 'thank you', they tell each other that a very simple act is an important solution, for example, when the wife makes the husband a cup of coffee in the morning or when the husband does grocery shopping on the way home from work. Home, life partner expresses thanks to each other, stating that it makes the day go right.

find the mistakes and resolve it

The study shows that it will not be easy to ignore the negatives and focus on the positives at first, but there will be some challenges, which can be overcome by following the following tips:

* Make a quick list of everything that each of the spouses does, and then choose a few tasks to exchange, for example, if the husband is the one who always delivers the children to school, then the wife can do this task on one of the days of the week, and if the wife is Whoever always sets the dining table, the husband can prepare it one day. This step will help the person put himself in the place of the other and will appreciate his efforts.

* Trying to separate negative feelings from what happened in the past, and to focus on the present moment. He should ask himself: “Did I have these negative feelings before marriage? What triggered those feelings?” The step of identifying the type of negative thoughts and feelings, naming them, and identifying their source can help get rid of them.

* The husband or wife constantly reminds that focusing on seeing the positives and ignoring the negatives does not mean changing the habits and behavior of the life partner, but rather it is tantamount to changing the habits of the person himself, and therefore it effectively helps in disrupting the cycle of negativity in the marital relationship. Seeing positive and feeling good and grateful cuts fuel from the cycle of negativity and toxic thoughts.

Maguy Farah's horoscope predictions for the year 2023